These are the words many of us hear, or surmise the words someone is telling us. Mary is fifty, confident, organised, and respected in her workplace. For six months she has been working an additional five to ten hours per week without remuneration. Working for a not-for-profit organisation, Mary is well aware that there are limited additional funds. But, as the organisation grows, so does the necessity for new policies, structures, and training, all within Mary’s portfolio.
Mary put a proposal for additional funds for her department to Rita, their Financial Controller. After consideration, her proposal was refused and a lengthy explanation given, Mary told me, “Basically they said I’m not worth it.” As the words left Mary’s mouth, tears welled. This experience triggered an emotional response, by touching an old wound. I remembered Mary’s history: her father left the family home when she was eight; and six years later, when her mother remarried and had another child, Mary and her older sister were moved out of the small family home into a flat. The sisters took on jobs to pay for food, they continued their schooling, and saw their mother and her new family only on Sundays for lunch.
Most people I know have a story or several relating to their mother or father and their self-esteem, self-worth, or value connected to experiences from their childhood. It is well documented that this is the case for all of us; our impressionable childhood contains wounds, that as adults, require healing. The severity of wounds varies as does their impact.
What saddens me is that most people have come to believe these triggers and disappointments are normal, they are usually dismissed or suppressed. However, from my perspective they are gold. They are the key to healing. Healing our personal shadow is healing the collective shadow, and this is paramount to humanity. As each of us attends to our personal sadness, we lighten the dark parts within us. As interconnected beings we impact each other singularly and collectively. Lightening ourselves of our burdens will lighten the planet.
At our next meeting three words stood out: “She heard me.” Mary’s presence felt lighter as she shared with me the conversations she had been having with Rita. Although additional funds were not available, Rita had a clearer understanding of the work that Mary did and how it impacted the organisation. Beyond taking the time to listen and understand the role Mary played, Rita was appreciative.
A Salve For The Heart
Unknowingly, Rita had played a crucial role for Mary. Through their professional dialogue Mary had expressed to herself her own self-worth; her mind and her heart were aligned in expression. Within days the Universe acknowledged Mary’s worth by delivering a sizeable windfall into her bank account. She had received remuneration for her work, although not directly from her workplace as it came from an unconnected source. However, I believe it is important to realise that the matrix we are part of is not linear. Your internal world of worth will be reflected by the outside world, sometimes in the strangest of fashions. Looking at the picture as a whole helps to see that all seemingly impossible wishes can be fruitful, in recognising your wounds, knowing yourself, and aligning a healing heart with a cleansed mind.
While I wondered about Mary from week to week my own fifteen year old daughter was experiencing her own wounding. Since her dad and I have been separated, the time she spends with her father has steadily decreased to one afternoon and one night per week, although he is often away for a fortnight at a time. Louise spent an afternoon with her dad and when she returned home recounted their conversation. She had asked to see him the following evening for dinner. He replied that she had not given him enough notice. He was concerned he would be leaving his 52 year old fiancée alone at home. He made an active choice to meet the needs of his fiancée over his daughter. Louise expressed herself by saying to him, “I’m sure a 52 year old woman is capable of spending one evening alone.” Her dad laughed—his default behaviour when deflecting.
As it happened his fiancée did have company for the evening and Louise’s dad spent the evening with his children. Louise asked if she could spend the following night with him too, as he was soon to be away for a fortnight, but he said no because he had to leave early the next morning. Coupled with these seemingly innocent rejections was an additional hurt. Louise’s dad and fiancée were selling their house. They needed a minimalist appearance to put it on the market. Over a few days all of Louise’s belongings were removed from her bedroom and delivered to my house. As she sat on the sofa with me she began to cry. What could I do to reduce the depth of the wound being created? At fifteen she was trying to push away her sadness; her feelings, as she stifled her tears.
Healing At Source
We talked about her feelings, the need to express the hurt and acknowledge what was arising in her body and mind. We discussed the possibility that these rejections could lead to shadow behaviours, if she were to shun her feelings, put them into a small box, close the lid, and keep on moving. Instead, if she kept the lid off and fully immersed herself in the now could she stop this wound from becoming a hazard? Triggers occur as our soul reminds us to view and heal wounds.
Can we support and enlighten the young of today to address their wounds as they occur, to reduce their pain, ease future relationships, and create a more content and peaceful life? If we raise our future generations with less pain individually, there will be less collective pain and less shadows coming out to be viewed and lightened. If we can educate our children and young adults to understand themselves, to be attentive to their patterns of behaviour, can we potentially create a calmer and safer world?